Car Slut Confessions: Minivan Fantasyland

I have a horrible fantasy. It’s dark, disturbing and completely out of character. But when I’m honest with myself, it’s very, very real.

I sometimes fantasize that I drive a minivan.

And it’s not just any minivan. It’s a white Honda Odyssey with family stick figures and a school mascot and everything. It’s got tiny wheels, regular plates and more cup holders than Victoria’s Secret. There’s a tray in the back seat, a bunch of TVs with headphone jacks and a sliding back door with a button to close.

Truth is, when you spend $40,000 on a minivan you get better family options than you do in a luxury SUV that costs twice that and that’s disgraceful. Instead, in the SUV world, we play this game where I pretend I’m ever going to drive it off road thus providing plenty of complex and expensive options I’m never gonna touch.

For example, while it’s very cool, I’ve used hill descent twice, which is probably two-times more than most people — but a vacuum cleaner? Hell, I’d use that action every day! My car has more pretzel crumbs and dog hair than Oprah’s dressing room. The difference between Miss O and I is that my minions don’t clean up after me, or after themselves for that matter.

The other issue when you drive a smokin’ hot car is that people expect you to be smokin’ hot… all the time. And I am. Most of the time. But then sometimes, I just want to exit my vehicle wearing sweatpants and a doo-rag without feeling like a fraud. If I had a minivan, I would drive it to the valley, park it at a shopping center and exit proudly wearing a white leather jumpsuit and turquoise go-go boots! That Home Goods parking lot would be ablaze with envy in no time.

However, we all know that’s not gonna happen for a multitude of reasons, including that I’m a car snob. I also drive like a bat outta hell, so I’d flip that minivan in 2.3 three seconds without ever leaving my driveway. Plus, my go-go boots are in the shop.

But the real question is, if I drove a minivan, would I park like this?

The post Car Slut Confessions: Minivan Fantasyland appeared first on The Truth About Cars.

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